Back in March I was joking around with my Psychiatrist about Therapy pets, after one of my friends (you know who you are!) gave me the idea. I hate taking all the medicines I'm on, so the idea about getting a pet to help deal with my issues, may in fact have the effect that it reduces the amount of pharmacological meds I have to pump into my system. The main thing that was holding us back getting a pet was "Pet Rent" our complex charges we cannot afford.
To my surprise, she - my Psychiatrist - thought it a great idea, and couldn't hurt too much to try. I called my apartment office to see if there was a way to get that Pet Fee waved (its like $250 deposit, and $50 a month on top of our normal rent) and lo and behold: there is! Just get a medical professional to sign off on a form for an exemption and they can wave both. After a few weeks of waiting, I got a letter back saying we got approved for it.
Another one of my friends had a cat about to kitten, so I was going to get kittens from her, I thought. But my Psychiatrist said she had 2 female mini cats that were under a year old - litter mates - that were not getting along with her other 10 cats, so she had to find a good home for them. They were both loving and loved cuddling. We figured them about 8 months old, as they still had some milk teeth, but mostly full grown. So not only did we find a way around the excess apartment cost of the cats, I got 2 kittens that were very loving.
Dora Ninja is the smaller kitten. She is almost completely pure black (if she's in a sunbeam you can see some brown) She loves using her coloring to hide in nooks and crannies and jumping out to grab ankles. She also scolds us when we don't feed her at the right time.
Hattie Cattie is half black and white, and has the coloring fairly similar to Dr. Seuss's Cat in the Hat. She has become my snuggle mate, especially when I have a bad headache and when I don't have a Monkey snuggling me.
We got these kittens mid May. With in a week, Hattie got really sick, and we had to take her to an emergency vet. She was vomiting everything she ate or drank up. Long story short, she had abdominal surgery - and got fixed at the same time. The Vet took out her stomach and felt all along her intestines, but found nothing obstructing either stomach or intestines. she carefully put everything back and stitched her up. When we talked later, she was surprised to find nothing - the Xrays showed a grey mass in her stomach and lots of air in her intestines. She kept Hattie in observation for 48 hrs after surgery. Hattie kept everything down and it was going through her system correctly, so she got to come home.
We are now about 4 weeks after her surgery and she is still doing fine. we think what happened was there was a slight twist in her intestines that was obstructing the flow, so having them rearranged got rid of the twist or kink.
In the few short weeks we've had the kittens, they've changed our lives. I'm not just talking about getting a bunch of flea bites either, making us very itchy. (Yes, we have been using a monthly med to control the fleas.) They've wormed their way into our hearts. These 2 kittens have helped with my Panic Attacks and Anxiety attacks some what. Hattie actually knows when I've got a bad headache and comes lays on the bed with me. What is better for a pounding head then a purring kitten curled up next to you?
Only thing has gone wrong is the 2 kittens are afraid of Monkey, so if they see him coming, they run for cover.
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Monday, July 25, 2011
It's out of my hands now.
Here is a hard fact: Most people aren't making enough money to make ends meet. We are EXTREMELY lucky to have food stamps and Metro (HUD Section 8) help so most of our housing and food is subsidized, because if we didn't, we'd be forced to live with my parents.
To this end, teh_Bagder and I decided to submit a Social Security Disability application for me. Since these headaches are so frequent and having such bad symptoms with them, I cannot work - heck a 30 minute shopping trip to the grocery store often causes a migraine or panic attack. Who would hire someone like me, that frequently needs to cower in a dark cool room for several hrs at a time with little or no warning. Heck, I'm on probation with my Psychiatrist, as they have the 3 strike rule - if you miss 3 appointments (or cancel in under 24 hrs) they will no longer see you. At least the office lady, bless her, isn't counting the times I was in the ER or on my way to the ER for a migraine for the 3 strike rule. Or I would be hunting for a new one right now.
We know stress is one of my migraine triggers, as is overly bright lights. We know a few of my triggers, but a good portion of my migraines don't seem to have triggers. Same thing with the anxiety and panic attacks. Sometimes we know what triggers one, but other times we have no clue. It is very disconcerting to wake up in the middle of the night having a seriously bad anxiety attack. It has happened a few times, the worst one almost felt like it was a heart attack (chest pain, tingling left arm, those kind of symptoms) and my rescue meds take about 30-45 min to kick in, so I had to lay there and relax until those meds had time to take effect. I clock watched, because if after the 45 min I was still having the chest pains, I would have woken teh_Bagder and told him that we needed to go to the ER again.
Some friends and family think we should put the elder 2 back into brick and mortar schools so I wouldn't get stressed over their school work. Actually, having them home is less stressful. No worry about bullies to break glasses (happened twice - school did absolutely nothing), or to ridicule the fact that Munchkin was in special math and reading classes for super-bright kids (again, school did absolutely nothing). And here they have more time to eat lunch. The drama I got when they got home was a LOT more stressful than me keeping them home to school them here. Also, with Munchkin and Buddy here most of the time, when I get a migraine that I have to seclude myself in a dark, cool room to wait for my meds to kick in, Monkey has people to keep a watchful eye on him. Knowing that he will be kept safe while I am pleading for my meds to kick in faster, is a stress relief.
To this end, teh_Bagder and I decided to submit a Social Security Disability application for me. Since these headaches are so frequent and having such bad symptoms with them, I cannot work - heck a 30 minute shopping trip to the grocery store often causes a migraine or panic attack. Who would hire someone like me, that frequently needs to cower in a dark cool room for several hrs at a time with little or no warning. Heck, I'm on probation with my Psychiatrist, as they have the 3 strike rule - if you miss 3 appointments (or cancel in under 24 hrs) they will no longer see you. At least the office lady, bless her, isn't counting the times I was in the ER or on my way to the ER for a migraine for the 3 strike rule. Or I would be hunting for a new one right now.
We know stress is one of my migraine triggers, as is overly bright lights. We know a few of my triggers, but a good portion of my migraines don't seem to have triggers. Same thing with the anxiety and panic attacks. Sometimes we know what triggers one, but other times we have no clue. It is very disconcerting to wake up in the middle of the night having a seriously bad anxiety attack. It has happened a few times, the worst one almost felt like it was a heart attack (chest pain, tingling left arm, those kind of symptoms) and my rescue meds take about 30-45 min to kick in, so I had to lay there and relax until those meds had time to take effect. I clock watched, because if after the 45 min I was still having the chest pains, I would have woken teh_Bagder and told him that we needed to go to the ER again.
Some friends and family think we should put the elder 2 back into brick and mortar schools so I wouldn't get stressed over their school work. Actually, having them home is less stressful. No worry about bullies to break glasses (happened twice - school did absolutely nothing), or to ridicule the fact that Munchkin was in special math and reading classes for super-bright kids (again, school did absolutely nothing). And here they have more time to eat lunch. The drama I got when they got home was a LOT more stressful than me keeping them home to school them here. Also, with Munchkin and Buddy here most of the time, when I get a migraine that I have to seclude myself in a dark, cool room to wait for my meds to kick in, Monkey has people to keep a watchful eye on him. Knowing that he will be kept safe while I am pleading for my meds to kick in faster, is a stress relief.
Sunday, July 24, 2011
New, and scary migraine symptoms
Most of us here in Central Ohio have suffered the heat this past week: temperature in the mid to high 90's and the heat index of about 10-15 degrees higher. Because of which, I have stayed indoors as much as possible. I don't handle the heat well.
This past Wednesday, our AC unit malfunctioned while I was napping with Monkey, so I didn't realize it until it had not worked for over an hour, so the house internal temperature of about 85 plus the humidity. I "fixed" the AC unit just before dinner aroung 6:30. Keep in mind the unit is 15+ yrs old, so the temp only dropped a degree or 2 in the following hour. While I cooked dinner, (on the stove so it heated the kitchen up quite a bit.) I worked on cleaning the kitchen.
After dinner, the kids and I worked on the laundry. I was sorting teh_Bagder and my laundry with a fan at my back to help keep cool upstairs in our room. The next thing I knew, Munchkin was calling for me, but I couldn't respond. She immediately ran to get teh_Bagder (luckily he was home at this time) he came up was able to roust me, and he started first aid for heat exhaustion. The rest of the evening, he made sure I drank water and had cool cloths on my head, neck, and wrists.
Thursday, the kids and I were planning on going to my parents house for the day. teh_Bagder was releaved to know that I wouldn't be alone with the kids. But on the way over, I started feeling like I did the night before after I had passed out. teh_Bagder then called off work because he wanted to take me to the ER. I don't remember much of the driving, other than teh_Bagder saying to me to stay awake. We got to the ER and a short while later I was in a bed.
teh_Bagder described what was going on to the doctor, and the doctor asked me some questions that I had difficulty answering. Not only was I in a brain fog, I felt very tired and I was slurring the words I used. I must have passed out again, because I didn't feel the needle they used to put the IV port on, when they took blood for lab work, or when they gave me medicines via the IV. I am guessing we got to the ER shortly after 1, and I was released around 6. I don't remember much of anything that happened at the ER, but teh_Bagder explained to me later that they were calling this a severe migraine not heat exhaustion. Especially since my Neurologist just changed my daily meds (doubled the dose of one of the meds).
Now teh_Bagder and my parents are wary to leave me the lone adult with the kids, in case this happens again. I don't like that, but I can see why they think it is prudent. When Munchkin found me on the floor, it scared her quite a bit. I don't want to scare her or the boys like that again.
So tomorrow, not only do I have to call my Neurologist to see what she wants to do - see me in the office or what-not, but I have to call my Psychiatrist and plead with herbecause I had an appointment with her on Thursday, so I missed it. teh_Bagder did call and tell them I was being taken to the ER and he told the office lady I wouldn't make the appointment. This has happened before (cancelling an appointment on the day of the appointent) because I was on the way to the ER for a serious migraine. Wish me luck.
This past Wednesday, our AC unit malfunctioned while I was napping with Monkey, so I didn't realize it until it had not worked for over an hour, so the house internal temperature of about 85 plus the humidity. I "fixed" the AC unit just before dinner aroung 6:30. Keep in mind the unit is 15+ yrs old, so the temp only dropped a degree or 2 in the following hour. While I cooked dinner, (on the stove so it heated the kitchen up quite a bit.) I worked on cleaning the kitchen.
After dinner, the kids and I worked on the laundry. I was sorting teh_Bagder and my laundry with a fan at my back to help keep cool upstairs in our room. The next thing I knew, Munchkin was calling for me, but I couldn't respond. She immediately ran to get teh_Bagder (luckily he was home at this time) he came up was able to roust me, and he started first aid for heat exhaustion. The rest of the evening, he made sure I drank water and had cool cloths on my head, neck, and wrists.
Thursday, the kids and I were planning on going to my parents house for the day. teh_Bagder was releaved to know that I wouldn't be alone with the kids. But on the way over, I started feeling like I did the night before after I had passed out. teh_Bagder then called off work because he wanted to take me to the ER. I don't remember much of the driving, other than teh_Bagder saying to me to stay awake. We got to the ER and a short while later I was in a bed.
teh_Bagder described what was going on to the doctor, and the doctor asked me some questions that I had difficulty answering. Not only was I in a brain fog, I felt very tired and I was slurring the words I used. I must have passed out again, because I didn't feel the needle they used to put the IV port on, when they took blood for lab work, or when they gave me medicines via the IV. I am guessing we got to the ER shortly after 1, and I was released around 6. I don't remember much of anything that happened at the ER, but teh_Bagder explained to me later that they were calling this a severe migraine not heat exhaustion. Especially since my Neurologist just changed my daily meds (doubled the dose of one of the meds).
Now teh_Bagder and my parents are wary to leave me the lone adult with the kids, in case this happens again. I don't like that, but I can see why they think it is prudent. When Munchkin found me on the floor, it scared her quite a bit. I don't want to scare her or the boys like that again.
So tomorrow, not only do I have to call my Neurologist to see what she wants to do - see me in the office or what-not, but I have to call my Psychiatrist and plead with herbecause I had an appointment with her on Thursday, so I missed it. teh_Bagder did call and tell them I was being taken to the ER and he told the office lady I wouldn't make the appointment. This has happened before (cancelling an appointment on the day of the appointent) because I was on the way to the ER for a serious migraine. Wish me luck.
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Opening a Cupboard.. to reveil the skeletons...
I need to stop keeping most secrets from my friends and family. Most of my friends are not aware of how badly I suffer.
I have severe depression, with anxiety and panic attacks. I also have serious issues with migraines. The migraines, I've had started in August, 1999, while I was 8+ months pregnant with Munchkin, our favorite daughter who will be 13 in October. Usually, I have cycles of migraines: 6 months of bad headaches, then they would leave me be - other than that time of the month that most women hate. This round, we are approaching the 4 year mark on this cycle. I was about 4 months pregnant with Monkey when the severe ones started. My OB urged me to see a neurologist at the time, but either they had no openings or they refused our insurance. So, my GP and I started to play drug roulette with daily migraine meds, as well as rescue medications. This last November, I finally got into a Neurologist, and now I am on a medicine go round with her to find the right combo of meds that will help my migraines. Currently, I am getting mild migraines (ones that I can still function with for the most part) 3-4 times a week. But I am getting severe ones (ones that I cannot function with) 1-3 times a week AND sometimes they last longer than 24 hrs. I have even lost consciousness for a few minutes when one hit, and collapsed several more times. I usually end up in the ER about once a month because of these migraines.
My depression is harder to pinpoint the exact date, but I did have my first mental breakdown in September, 1997 (That is the first time I admitted something was wrong with myself emotionally, and was put on prozac at the time but a doctor at BGSU). I hated prozac as all it did was put my emotions in a box, so I could go about my daily routine without bursting into tears or explode with anger without any warning. It allowed me to get my schoolwork done, but it also made me do some idiotic things like binge drink every weekend with my neighbor across the hall (her bf was 21, so we could get the alcohol we wanted) I even called Jason while I was drunk in the middle of the night, which he thought hilarious. I have been off and on antidepressants since then. The worst pard of it is, is I frequently get this bad voice in my head telling me just to end the suffering and pain that I am not only causing myself, but that I am also causing my family and a few select friends that know most of this.
I mentioned that I was admitted to the hospital this past April/May. I had to go to the ER, because I was having a seriously bad migraine that my rescue meds didn't help with. In the course of the interview with treoge nurse, she asked if I had any thoughts of hurting myself or others. I burst into tears and told her of the voice telling me to hurt myself so my family would be better off without having to take care of me. I was then put onto suicide watch in the ER, and sat outside a curtained room next to the nurses station in a chair, since the had no free beds.
About 30 min after I got settled, the cops brought in this woman who had her face covered with a bag and handcuffed, screaming at her father, using Jesus's name in vain and saying some very nasty other things I don't want to recall. She was placed in the curtained room right infront of me. One of my panic attack set offs is screaming and yelling in an angry tone of voice, so within 30 seconds of the curtain closing after her, I start having a huge panic attack and start to get hysterical. The nurse set to watch me notices this about 5-10 min later. I ask for some xanax and my migraine meds and ask to be moved because she was upsetting me greatly- tears streaking down my face, me shaking like there is an earthquake going on, that kind of thing. I am surprised I didn't blackout, because I have done so in the past when having a panic attack. He quickly finds a bed 50ft from the room, gets me a panic attack drug, and puts in an IV to administer the migraine stuff. Jason was finally able to get there, because the super on his shift let him out a hr early from. We are then told that I was being admitted to the psych ward for observation because, obviously my depression meds and panic attack/anxiety meds aren't working At 12pm the following day I was told I was being transferred to Mount Carmel West because the ward at OSU was full and no vacancies were going to happen for at least 48 hrs. Long story short, I was there 7 days, and they gave me a "new" rx that is SNRI, instead of just a SSRI.
My several docs I see - GP, Neuro, and Psychiatrist think that they are related, and if we can get a handle on one, then the other should decrease. The number of different meds I am on (these are just my daily meds) is about 8. On top of that, I have 4 emergency migraine rescue drugs and 1 rescue panic attack/anxiety drug. I have not been online much since getting out of the hospital, partly due to the backlit screens are painful to look at, and because I am extremely tired.
I have severe depression, with anxiety and panic attacks. I also have serious issues with migraines. The migraines, I've had started in August, 1999, while I was 8+ months pregnant with Munchkin, our favorite daughter who will be 13 in October. Usually, I have cycles of migraines: 6 months of bad headaches, then they would leave me be - other than that time of the month that most women hate. This round, we are approaching the 4 year mark on this cycle. I was about 4 months pregnant with Monkey when the severe ones started. My OB urged me to see a neurologist at the time, but either they had no openings or they refused our insurance. So, my GP and I started to play drug roulette with daily migraine meds, as well as rescue medications. This last November, I finally got into a Neurologist, and now I am on a medicine go round with her to find the right combo of meds that will help my migraines. Currently, I am getting mild migraines (ones that I can still function with for the most part) 3-4 times a week. But I am getting severe ones (ones that I cannot function with) 1-3 times a week AND sometimes they last longer than 24 hrs. I have even lost consciousness for a few minutes when one hit, and collapsed several more times. I usually end up in the ER about once a month because of these migraines.
My depression is harder to pinpoint the exact date, but I did have my first mental breakdown in September, 1997 (That is the first time I admitted something was wrong with myself emotionally, and was put on prozac at the time but a doctor at BGSU). I hated prozac as all it did was put my emotions in a box, so I could go about my daily routine without bursting into tears or explode with anger without any warning. It allowed me to get my schoolwork done, but it also made me do some idiotic things like binge drink every weekend with my neighbor across the hall (her bf was 21, so we could get the alcohol we wanted) I even called Jason while I was drunk in the middle of the night, which he thought hilarious. I have been off and on antidepressants since then. The worst pard of it is, is I frequently get this bad voice in my head telling me just to end the suffering and pain that I am not only causing myself, but that I am also causing my family and a few select friends that know most of this.
I mentioned that I was admitted to the hospital this past April/May. I had to go to the ER, because I was having a seriously bad migraine that my rescue meds didn't help with. In the course of the interview with treoge nurse, she asked if I had any thoughts of hurting myself or others. I burst into tears and told her of the voice telling me to hurt myself so my family would be better off without having to take care of me. I was then put onto suicide watch in the ER, and sat outside a curtained room next to the nurses station in a chair, since the had no free beds.
About 30 min after I got settled, the cops brought in this woman who had her face covered with a bag and handcuffed, screaming at her father, using Jesus's name in vain and saying some very nasty other things I don't want to recall. She was placed in the curtained room right infront of me. One of my panic attack set offs is screaming and yelling in an angry tone of voice, so within 30 seconds of the curtain closing after her, I start having a huge panic attack and start to get hysterical. The nurse set to watch me notices this about 5-10 min later. I ask for some xanax and my migraine meds and ask to be moved because she was upsetting me greatly- tears streaking down my face, me shaking like there is an earthquake going on, that kind of thing. I am surprised I didn't blackout, because I have done so in the past when having a panic attack. He quickly finds a bed 50ft from the room, gets me a panic attack drug, and puts in an IV to administer the migraine stuff. Jason was finally able to get there, because the super on his shift let him out a hr early from. We are then told that I was being admitted to the psych ward for observation because, obviously my depression meds and panic attack/anxiety meds aren't working At 12pm the following day I was told I was being transferred to Mount Carmel West because the ward at OSU was full and no vacancies were going to happen for at least 48 hrs. Long story short, I was there 7 days, and they gave me a "new" rx that is SNRI, instead of just a SSRI.
My several docs I see - GP, Neuro, and Psychiatrist think that they are related, and if we can get a handle on one, then the other should decrease. The number of different meds I am on (these are just my daily meds) is about 8. On top of that, I have 4 emergency migraine rescue drugs and 1 rescue panic attack/anxiety drug. I have not been online much since getting out of the hospital, partly due to the backlit screens are painful to look at, and because I am extremely tired.
A small intro to me and my family.
I am a stay at home mom of three - a daughter of 12 , a son of 9, and a son of 3. Among the normal mom things I need to do to make the house run someone smoothly, I also am the Learning Coach for the older 2 with the help of Ohio Virtual Academy (it is public virtual school). Munchkin, our only daughter, is a very talented drawing, loves to read, and is a self starter on her school work on the most part. Buddy, our middle son, is cRaZy about legos and video games - especially the LEGO video games. Monkey, the baby of the family, is very precocious and loves getting underfoot of his older siblings.
My husband teh_Bagder is very busy. He is a full time student at Ohio State working on his bachelors degree and works part time (20-30 hrs a week) as well. This means we rarely see him during the week and on Saturdays. The good news is that he will graduate with his bachelors this coming spring, and then hopefully onto a masters. His goal is to get his PhD, so he can teach. On top of this, he's applied to become a US Citizen, so he has to study for the exam there as well as work on his school work. (yes, he's in school over the summer) He's a UK Citizen, currently. We have been married over 13 years.
When people ask how we met, we say it was in a chat room on CompuServe (ISP that AOL bought in the 90's) This was WAY before there were sites like Match.com.
Some of my hobbies include knitting, machine embroidery (embellishment on plain shirts and pants), reading, and listening to unabridged audio books. That is if I have time to myself and if I am up to doing them. I suffer from severe migraines, as well as depression, anxiety and panic attacks. They are so severe that they affect my daily routine quite often. I have 3 knitting projects going right now: a sweater for me, a scarf for teh_bagder, and a night time wool diaper cover for Monkey. Some of my other sewing projections are converting a pair of jeans to capris and embroidered hem, a special Mickey Mouse Quilt for Monkey for the Winter holidays. (I say that because we observe both Chanukah, and Christmas. heh)
My husband teh_Bagder is very busy. He is a full time student at Ohio State working on his bachelors degree and works part time (20-30 hrs a week) as well. This means we rarely see him during the week and on Saturdays. The good news is that he will graduate with his bachelors this coming spring, and then hopefully onto a masters. His goal is to get his PhD, so he can teach. On top of this, he's applied to become a US Citizen, so he has to study for the exam there as well as work on his school work. (yes, he's in school over the summer) He's a UK Citizen, currently. We have been married over 13 years.
When people ask how we met, we say it was in a chat room on CompuServe (ISP that AOL bought in the 90's) This was WAY before there were sites like Match.com.
Some of my hobbies include knitting, machine embroidery (embellishment on plain shirts and pants), reading, and listening to unabridged audio books. That is if I have time to myself and if I am up to doing them. I suffer from severe migraines, as well as depression, anxiety and panic attacks. They are so severe that they affect my daily routine quite often. I have 3 knitting projects going right now: a sweater for me, a scarf for teh_bagder, and a night time wool diaper cover for Monkey. Some of my other sewing projections are converting a pair of jeans to capris and embroidered hem, a special Mickey Mouse Quilt for Monkey for the Winter holidays. (I say that because we observe both Chanukah, and Christmas. heh)
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